the Glass Child

August 6, 2012 - Bristol

I’m in a foreign town again, walking new streets, seeing new colors, new buildings, new views. I found the right room to rent today, in a lovely little flat. I immediately started to plan where to place my mic, my guitar, my keyboard, where to unpack my few but dear belongings. I pictured myself sitting on the floor in the right corner, writing and drinking whiskey, (and I pictured you beside me).

Afterwards I walked through the park right outside which lead me up a hill to an amazing view of the whole city, all the way to the fields and the harbor. I stood there for a while, trying to see some kind of connection between who I was two years ago before I left for London, and to who I am now. I felt my heart beating faster, not in a good way, in a panicking way and I felt my throat starting to tie up. I sat down, trying to calm down, I didn’t even know why I panicked. ”Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, I am, I am, I am”, I repeated to my tired little heart. After finally managing to get control of my breathing I sat there for a while. It was a beautiful evening, a clear sky and I could see for miles and miles. ”He would really love this view” I thought, as I pictured how you would keep your eyes on the appearing moon, smoke another cigarette and say something wise about how to live. One of these speeches, where you use your hands and talk straight from your heart, one of these speeches that makes me believe in people, in passion, in really meaning every word you say. One of these speeches that makes everything seem so easy and beautiful and just right. (and then I would kiss you and everything would be beautiful and nothing would hurt)

After an hour or so I kept walking slowly through the park, into the city centre and down to the harbor side. I’m happy for all the new things that’s been thrown into my life, and I’m excited about starting something new. I’m exciting about going out, winning over pub by pub with my guitar and voice, meeting new people and hearing their stories, learning how they live and seeing new places, just like I did in London two years ago, and I’m excited about changing my life style. But most of all, I’m excited because I have you in my life, and I would never feel this way about myself if I didn’t.

You asked me to remind me of your good sides, and the truth is - the most magic thing is that you don’t even know how you change everyone around you. How much energy you give, how much inspiration you give and how you simply shine.

I wouldn’t have found my fire again, I wouldn’t have found my passion for music again, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to feel comfortable in my own body, the way I do when I’m with you. I wouldn’t be here, feeling good and excited about my future, if it wasn’t for how you’ve showed me your way of living and thinking.

I don’t know if my personality will be friends with this ’settled down’ life style, but I will never know if I don’t give it a try. The road and the world is still out there. There are no endings, just beginnings, every single day.