All I wanted was to live a life where I could be me, and be okay with that. I had no need for material possessions, money or even close friends with me on my journey. I never understood people very well anyway, and they never seemed to understand me very well either. All I wanted was my art and the chance to be the creator of my own world, my own reality. I wanted the open road and new beginnings every day.
There will be a new day, every day.
The days flash by without my notice,
the way you lose track of when to be awake and asleep,
the way you lose track of when to eat and when to shower,
the way you disappear when you lose something you love,
someone you love.
And I’m taking the same way home
but suddenly it feels a thousand miles longer
and my legs can’t seem to carry the weight of myself
and this heaviness
in myself, in my eyes, in my heart
makes me wanna lay down and just rest
for maybe a second, or two,
because it’s tiring
to be this sad
But I know there comes a time in every tragedy,
in every grief
in every one’s life
when you wake up one morning and you don’t feel as heavy.
There will come a day,
when you wake up after actually being able to sleep for once
and you will notice the sun again.
The rain stopped and left the air clean and pure,
and you notice how the winter disappeared
somewhere on the way
and it’s spring again.
You will open the window, let the air into your hidden room,
and it will not be as a hard to breathe anymore,
not as hard to stand up,
not as hard to simply be.
There comes a time for healing
no matter how broken you are right now,
No matter how heavy your heart is right now.
There comes a time when you will be able to go outside
and let the sun shine on your face
and let the wind touch your hair
and you will not be tired by just simply be awake.
There comes a time when you will be happy to be alive again
and that day you will appreciate your own being
because now you know the other side.
Now you know the opposite.
Now you know what it’s like to not be sure if you really are,
who you really are,
if you simply are, anymore.
And that day
will be the beginning of everything.
Until then I will watch the tulips bloom and die and be replaced,
because that’s what they give you when you’re sad,
because flowers are nice to look at,
But I’d rather look at you,
and the way I’m recalling every movement,
every little thing you do,
When you’re deep in thought about something,
When you’re trying to figure out what I just said,
When you’re drunk and lose your guard.
But you’re not here anymore
so the tulips will have to do,
until I will wake up one day,
and notice how the rain stopped,
and then I will go outside and take a long walk by the ocean
and realize that there is still beauty in the world,
even without you.
even without you.
Until then, I will watch the tulips bloom and die and be replaced.
I am still in pain.
Stories Behind The Album #2 - Hit The Ground
“In the hovering between sleep and wakefulness, lucid but dreaming, Her mind got away from her, and all kinds of empty shit she had meant to put entirely behind her forever swam up and lived in her head again.” — Charles Frazier
Underneath our conscious awareness lies another consciousness called the subconscious. What this is or how to define it depends on what school of psychology or philosopher you’re talking about, but to put my own experiences into words; it’s another level of awareness. Altered states of mind when you can reach thoughts, understandings and memories that your conscious self has tried to forget, ignore or shut out. It can be truths and understandings about yourself that you simply don’t want to accept. It can be past experiences that you decided to forget and desperately tried to hide somewhere deep inside. It can be facts about a certain situation you’re in right now, about how you really should be handling it and what you really think is the best decision.
There are several different ways to reach your subconscious mind, and several different experiences you can have in these alternative states. One example is when you reach that ’higher level of awareness’ through meditation. When you feel the wholeness of your own being and you feel connected and completely aware of the here and now. Another form of subconsciousness is lucid dreaming. Even though you might not have the same sense of clarity and ’awareness’, you can reach other sides of your personality that your normal sense of logic would shut out.
There’s also a theory that when you subconsciously know that something is wrong, it will give you signs through a ’bad feeling’ about the situation. Even though your conscious mind says that this is what you want, there’s this nagging feeling that something is really wrong. That’s your subconscious mind trying to give you a sign.
There are other ways to reach alternative states of mind too, through drugs, alcohol or natural ways of releasing your self from logic. A lot of artists or creative people would say that when they’re lost in the creative process (when I’m writing a song for example) they’re in a higher state of mind. You’re in a different dimension and the world doesn’t exist out there.
I’m not going to tell you what Hit The Ground is about as a specific thing or experience. Just have these theories in mind when you listen to it, and form your own understanding of it. All I can say is that the more you learn how to connect with your subconscious mind, the more you get to know yourself. And in some cases, you learn that who you really are and what you really want under the logic you have created for your conscious self, is completely different. The more I learned to listen to my subconscious mind, the more I realised that I can never erase memories or experiences, I can only hide them and throw them out of my consciousness. But they’re still there, inside me, and they will always find their way out. The more I learned to listen to my subconscious mind, the more I understood that constant feeling of worrying and regret I’d been living with for so long. It was hidden memories trying to make their ways out. And when you enter that alternative state of mind, when you let your subconscious mind do the talking, you’re powerless. The scene you see in Hit The Ground is what my subconscious mind showed me one night.
“The lights drop like a crystal glass. You close your eyes at the smash of darkness. The bass lights. Beams dash and flash. A pound of light glances, a thousand arms fire to every star. A vocal of angel strums and plucks the crisp still evening air, hovering as a gas of delirious ecstasy. Veins flip and flap as invisible tails and whips of adrenaline, they rush and fly like escaping dreams. The arena draws dream as breath, kicking perfection with raw precision. The bass possesses your feet. Arms thump. Skin tightens. The bass stops. The vocal stands alone…still; suspending… distilling… everything. Fuck. Does any emotion defeat this euphoric dream? The neon lasers cascade and fire as heads rise to the Gods and Goddesses of ecstasy.
The waves ripple unseen, they are heard and transform to feeling. Like ghostly fingers they charge touch with immeasurable ‘gloria’. You close your eyes to contain such greatness. To be alive is a furious explosion of feeling. Eyes beam as cats through the pitch stillness. Anticipation draws blue. A whirlwind of blood builds and blows. For one pure hour…dreams rain, angels rise and fly with the mystical power of rush, a blanket of ecstasy floats a floor coated in dream. Nothing matters when emotion is so true. One hand of fantasy, the other with reality, with one clap a cloud of euphoria is unleashed.
Like the big bang of creation I draw to expand this chemical event.”
- The Cloud Of Ecstasy by Adam Paris
Story behind ‘Blood On The Concrete’
You know how a memory kind of starts to fade after a while. Like a photograph. Losing colors, the sharpness, becomes something blurry that you know happened, but still it doesn’t really feel real. You start to doubt how much you’ve made up in your head and what actually happened.
The first few months in London, I was forced to face everything that I’d been trying to ignore within myself. This included memories that I couldn’t let go of, and this song became my way to deal with this memory.
I was just way too young to really understand and deal with this when it happened, so it became this blurry myth in my head. I knew it was real, but no one ever talked about it because what is there to say? And so I tried to burry it far away in my mind, until it just became a faded, blurry memory with no colors or sharpness.
It became this story that only appeared in my dreams, and I started to dream about this every night. I woke up when the car hit the child, hyper-ventilating and panicking, feeling taste of blood on my mouth.
When I was younger no one told me about the man who was driving the car. He became this dark character that wasn’t worth human life. People hated him with all their hearts. And I get it, but what no one told me either was that the man killed himself that night, and that he probably was going through so much pain that day, we can’t even imagine.
It’s all connected, you see. Nothing happens without reasons and consequences.
Beautiful habitants of the world! It’s been over 2 weeks now and I still can’t believe that my book is finally out for the world to take and tear apart! It’s been crazy, humbling, nervous and scary and every single word you write to me about it inspires me to keep creating, learning and growing, so thank you.
If you want to help me tell the world about my little book and our existence, it would mean everything if you wanted to help me! Here are a few things we can do :) :
- Write a few words as a “review” on Goodreads.com, and Amazon US & UK
- Add the book to “lists” on Goodreads and vote for it.
- Make a list with your favorite books on Amazon and add the book.
- Add your favorite quotes at Goodreads.com
- Just simply tell the world!
Thank you for doing this journey with me, I wouldn’t be anything at all without you and your help. We’re all in this together :)
Beautiful creatures and all the rest! Because of the amazingly crazy response I had on my little book, & because it feels so sad to know that some of you didn’t get a chance to read it even though you wanted to, I’ve decided to make one last print-run of it! I can’t believe we’ve grown into such a big family from all over the world and it makes me wanna work harder every single day so I can get to tour & meet you all one day! I will start shipping the last copies of the book on wednesday, so order yours now if you want it :)
Also, me and these two dudes have some small exciting adventures to let you be a part of soon! Ahhouiii!
Happy Monday punks :) ♥
My official store - www.theGlassChild.bigcartel.com
You can also get the book on Kindle!
Amazon UK - http://alturl.com/yukr8
Amazon US - http://alturl.com/pkm4b
Update! I literally have 3 copies left of my book!!! Ready, set, GO GO GO! :) http://www.theglasschild.bigcartel.com/
(Americans, if you want to escape the horrible shipping-cost, you can get it with free delivery here :) http://alturl.com/hxzrs )
AHHHH I’m still waiting for someone to wake me up from this dream, but I literally have SEVEN BOOKS LEFT! I never thought so many of you would even care about my little book and journey. Since the release-day you’ve given me so much inspiration that I’ve written more music, poetry and stories than ever before and you motivate me to keep creating and growing. I’ve never been so in love with music and writing before. Now … who wants one of the last 7??? :D
“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.”
- Pablo Picasso
I’ll never get used to seeing my little book in other people’s hands. It feels like they’re holding one of my organs in their hands. It’s amazing though and it makes me wanna keep learning, creating and reach higher every day. :)
And the book is finally available as both paperback and kindle on Amazon US now, so if you want to escape the horrible shipping cost form my official store you can get free delivery here!
Holy macaroni I can’t believe I just uploaded this. Here’s to making your dreams come true - My name is Charlotte and I’m an author :)
Media/press/blogs/journalists who wants an advanced digital copy of the book, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org!
Real friends, nature, two guitars and cheap wine. Give me days like this and I’ll be happy every day of my fucked up little life.